Who Should Be the Groom's Best Man? Tradition, Choice, and Modern Wedding Tips

Rumor has it, being chosen as a best man is both a badge of honor and a bit of a minefield. Some grooms pick their brother out of tradition. Others shock their family by picking a childhood friend, coworker, or even their dad. But who is supposed to be the groom’s best man, and why is this role such a big deal in the first place? The choice isn’t always as straightforward as grabbing the guy who owes you for bailing him out once (or twice). Modern weddings crack open old-school molds, so if you’re wondering who’s truly supposed to stand by the groom, you’re not alone—this is one wedding decision nobody wants to get wrong.

The Tradition Behind the Best Man

Centuries ago, the best man wasn’t just there to hold the rings and plan the wildest bachelor party. Back in medieval Europe, picking a best man was an act of defense. Imagine a time when marriages sometimes happened by force. The groom needed someone strong—usually his most reliable friend or brother—prepared to literally fend off anyone who tried to stop the big day. No tuxedos, no speeches, just a sword and loyalty. Over time, of course, those dangerous duties faded, but the tradition stuck. By the Victorian era, being best man meant you were the groom’s right-hand guy, often his closest relative or oldest friend, the one person he trusted above all others. In many families, it’s still expected to choose your brother. That’s why you’ll see plenty of sibling best men in old wedding albums or hear grumbling at family gatherings when the spot goes to someone else.

Some cultures crank this tradition up a notch. For example, in Greek weddings, the best man—or koumbaros—takes part in religious rituals and helps crown the couple. In Jewish weddings, the groom is often escorted by both parents, making the best man’s role more symbolic. And in British royal ceremonies, you’ll hear the title "supporter" instead of "best man." Tradition may guide the choice, but in the real world, it’s about more than just ticking a box. Even today, more than 70% of couples in the U.S. stick with family or childhood friendships for these key roles, according to the 2023 WeddingWire Newlywed Report. But as society and families change, so do the rules, with grooms increasingly picking whoever fits best—even a sister or a best friend who identifies as female (and calling her the "best person"). It’s proof that your best man isn’t always a "man" anymore.

The Real Duties of a Best Man

Hollywood loves showing the best man as either the party hero or the guy who loses the rings. But there’s a lot more to it, both before and during the wedding. First up: planning that bachelor party, keeping things fun but not totally out of hand. But behind the scenes, the best man handles way more. He’s the point person for the groomsmen, helps the groom with wedding day jitters, brings snacks, and keeps a schedule so the groom actually gets to the ceremony on time. There’s the job of holding onto the rings (don’t lose them) and making sure everyone gets in line at the right moment. Not to mention prepping a killer toast—funny, sincere, a little embarrassing, but nothing that will get grandma clutching pearls.

Duties can change depending on what the couple wants. The best man might run errands, deliver the payments to vendors, or even help manage family drama. He fields questions from groomsmen (“Is a suit with sneakers really okay?”) and solves problems—sometimes within minutes. On the big day, he’s on call for everything, from tying ties to ordering that much-needed coffee. A recent survey by The Knot found 62% of best men said their job was more challenging than expected—handling everything from wardrobe malfunctions to lost relatives. And it’s not just about getting things done—it’s about helping the couple actually enjoy their day. Some couples want their best man to lead first dances or organize wedding games, while others expect full-on event management.

If you’re picking your best man, think: who do you trust to handle tricky moments? Who can tackle last-minute chaos without losing their head? Personality is huge here. Someone fun, dependable, not afraid to chase down the wayward ring bearer, and good with people. For grooms with complicated family dynamics or long distance friends, it helps to be practical—choose someone who can genuinely participate, not just in spirit but in presence.

Choosing the Right Best Man—Who Makes the Cut?

This is where things get real. There’s no official rulebook, but some grooms still feel the heat from family or longstanding traditions. Your brother may expect it, your best friend might presume it, and your future spouse could have an opinion, too. Still, it’s your choice. What matters is your relationship history, trust level, and how you see your life moving forward. Brothers, cousins, lifelong buddies—it’s all fair game. Roughly a third of grooms pick a sibling, while another third pick a best friend, according to a 2022 survey from Zola. Some even keep it in the family with a dad or stepdad. Your best man can be anyone you feel closest to, and nobody serious will fault you for picking loyalty over ancestry.

Feelings do get hurt, though. If you’ve got friends or relatives who’ll be shocked by your choice, honesty and a little advance notice go a long way. Want to keep the peace? Get creative with titles! Make someone the "head usher" or "groomsman of honor"—a little recognition means a lot. If you just can’t choose, yes, you can have more than one best man. Double best men are completely acceptable. The Beatles had two for Ringo, Serena Williams had two maids of honor—it works! Don’t overthink the gender thing, either. If your ride-or-die person is a woman, make her your "best woman" or "best person." It’s 2025, and more and more wedding parties are breaking tradition without breaking hearts.

Distance and logistics matter. If your closest friend lives overseas and can’t make it until the wedding day, maybe give them an honorary spot and pick someone local for the day-to-day duties. Reliability should always beat nostalgia. After all, you need someone who will pick up the phone at 8 am, not just send a fun meme from afar.

Relationship to Groom	Percentage Chosen as Best Man
Brother	34%
Best Friend	36%
Cousin	10%
Father/Stepfather	7%
Other (including female friends, children)	13%

Modern Best Man Trends and Wedding Party Tips

Forget the days when best men were all cut from the same cloth—recent wedding trends mix things up in the best way. Mixed-gender wedding parties are everywhere now, so don’t feel weird about naming a “best woman.” In fact, WeddingWire’s 2024 report found that one in six grooms now select a female best man, and more zones are moving toward "best person" or "chief mate." Age is just a number, too—you’ll find teens, dads, and even sons in this role. TikTok and Instagram are full of creative “best man reveal” videos—if you love a good surprise, see if you can top the current record for tears per second.

People also spend more on the best man role these days—think personalized gifts, tailored suits, and elaborate pre-wedding trips. But not every wedding is all flash. The real wins are authenticity and comfort. Make sure the person you choose knows what’s expected and can handle it. If they’re anxious about a speech, help them out—suggest a tag-team toast, or let them write it ahead so there are no awkward tongue-tied moments at the reception.

Here are some quick and practical tips for choosing your best man:

• Pick someone you’ve known long enough to trust with anything, from lost socks to lost rings.
• Make sure they’re available and willing to handle group chats and planning.
• Check that they’re comfortable speaking in public—stage fright is real!
• Don’t cave to pressure—your best man should feel right to you.
• If possible, talk it through with your closest loved ones—no one wants to manage drama mid-ceremony.
• Once you decide, ask in a memorable or heartfelt way—it’s a big deal for them, too.

Wedding etiquette isn’t as stuffy as it used to be. As long as you’re clear, honest, and thoughtful, you’ll nail the best man decision. Your wedding is your story to tell, and your best man (or best woman, or best team) gets a front-row seat for the adventure. Family, friendship, loyalty, and a bit of chaos—sounds about right for any great wedding day.